Jenny’s story

I never wanted to be a single mum. My mother was a single mum but back then we all lived in a community.

We’re Afro Caribbean and my parents came over in the 1950’s and the social housing estate we lived on in London was full of people like us. When my dad left us the whole of the local community rallied round. I had lots of Auntie’s and Uncles, but I always missed my father and it wasn’t until I was a lot older that my mother told me that my father was violent, and that’s why he left.

I got pregnant at 20. He had a few other kids with a few other women so I don’t know what I was thinking. I’d like to say my mum was supportive, but she wasn’t really. She was angry that I’d fallen into such an obvious trap, couldn’t believe I’d made the same mistakes as her even though she’d be married and abused, I’d just had a condom break. Somehow, I was judged by her and the aunt’s I guess for not being married.

This was 30 years ago and being a single woman on an estate in East London was hard, the environment was often unhealthy, and I felt my son would inevitably grow up to sell drugs like the other kids on the estate. I know this all sounds like a cliché, but things are a cliché for a reason.

When he started at school that’s where I decided I wanted to be too. I’d got good O’levels and A’ levels and I trained to be a nurse. My son is currently at medical school training to be a doctor, well he’s specialising now.

No one even comments on me being a single mum anymore. People just congratulate for having a son who is a doctor, it’s funny how things change, how people’s attitudes change when you are a success.

Funnily enough the woman who criticised me, my mother, also inspired me. She told me it would be impossible for me to go back to school, to make anything of myself and that made me want it even more. Support came from my church, who were amazing and from my friends, some of whom were in the same position.

I’m 50 now. I have a senior role and my son, who is gorgeous, is going to be a great doctor and I couldn’t be prouder. Lord if he knew what it took me to get him here but seeing him here is reward in itself.

So, I am a proud single mother and sure I date and sometimes I fantasise about getting married, but I also feel really good about the job I did raising my son.

I love the idea of this website and blog. It’s so great for us to have somewhere we can shout out about how it’s okay and our kids have done well.

I don’t want to spread any myth about it being easy, but I do want to shout from the rooftops that my son is a doctor and I, well he and I did that with me as a single mother.

Don’t think being a single mum is a recipe for disaster, I think I instilled a good work ethic in my son and that is why he has done so well. He watched me graft and get on and that as an independent woman I could achieve anything. He then believed he could do anything himself too.

Big up all the women on this site. What a great idea. It’s time we celebrated our achievements.

Thanks for reading my story. x